Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
