Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
