The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize