Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
