Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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