In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
