Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
