I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
