brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
