Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
