Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
