i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
