He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
