Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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