Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
