dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So much rum. So many feels.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
