hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize