I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
