id be glad to
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
