If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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