I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Is it because I queefed?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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