I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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