I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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