i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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