if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
