it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
