i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
