If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
