went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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