my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
