I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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