Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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