Please, let me fuck your mom
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
