I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
