I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize