I got chris browned last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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