I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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