i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
