Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
