i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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