let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize