he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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