if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I faked an abortion last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
