What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
