Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
