She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
