So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
