Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
