i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
