so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Two words: nipple clamps
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