She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we're so committed to being not committed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
