South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
