My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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