I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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