Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
