sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
