Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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