and you said cock pushups were impossible
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
