you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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