So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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