Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
