I think I am morally bankrupt
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
