happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
