then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
