My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
