I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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