Are we in a gay sports bar?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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