A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
