I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
