god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
