Best friends brother. Beat that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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