i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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